


the wonder that keeps the stars apart

by amemorymaze



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Closeted Character, M/M, birthday blowjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 11:55:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5706796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amemorymaze/pseuds/amemorymaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“I wish it was different, too,” he says and if the way Harry’s hand clenches slightly in his hair and how his heart jumps in his chest is any indication, Louis knows he heard it. “Isn’t that enough, just for now?” </i>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <i>With the stars now twinkling brightly above them, they breathe in sync ignoring the cold that seeping through their layers of clothing. It’s just them; together. </i>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <i>“I think it might be,” Harry mumbles, lips brushing Louis’ hair. </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(or, where louis takes harry away for a weekend so that they can just be themselves.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	the wonder that keeps the stars apart

With the sun having already set and the stars beginning to shine in the dark night sky, two boys sit on a set of swings, lazily muttering conversation as they sway with the breeze.

Harry’s bike is leaning haphazardly against the railings lining the small play area that just about holds an old wooden climbing frame and a set of swings.

It’s just a Sunday night. A Sunday night at the beginning of January and Louis’ already broken his new year’s resolution and it’s freezing; cold enough that Louis’ wearing Harry’s favourite hoodie and Harry’s wearing his sister’s coat.

At the park down the road from Louis’ place and round the corner from Harry’s, the two boys shiver in tandem then laugh; smoke unfurling from their lips as their breath hits the cold air.

“I feel like we’re doing this wrong,” Louis says quietly, gaze caught in Harry’s green eyes.

“Hmm?” Harry questions.

“We’re in an empty park at night and school starts tomorrow. We should be, like, getting drunk on a bottle of vodka you stole from your parents stash in the cupboard in your dining room like we’re trashy fifteen year olds.”

“And be trashy eighteen year olds instead?”

Louis laughs, the sound bouncing around in the silent air; “You’re not even eighteen, Hazza.”

Pouting, Harry tangles his hands in the chains of the swing, “You’ve only been eighteen for like a week.”

Louis swings himself higher, grinning to himself. “And once our exams are over, it’ll be your birthday and we can celebrate properly - just the two of us.”

“Yeah?” Harry asks, pout gone from his lips as he looks over at Louis with eyes wide.

Louis skids to a stop, the asphalt crunching underneath his worn-down trainers; “Just us, yeah. That’ll be nice, innit?”

“I just - ” Harry sighs, watching with intent as he digs the toe of his shoe into the ground, “I wish - ”

“Hey,” Louis says, releasing the chains and holding them out towards Harry, “Come here.”

He runs a hand through his hair as he gets to his feet and stumbles towards Louis until he standing between Louis’ legs, arms around his shoulders with his fingers twiddling with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Hey,” Louis repeats, placing his own hands on Harry’s hips underneath the coat with his fingertips sliding underneath Harry’s jumper. His skin jumps as the coldness of Louis’ hands register and Harry looks down at Louis. “Six months, yeah?”

“Until everything changes?” Harry mutters, shaking his head slightly as he lets out a shaky breath; “I don’t want to lose you.”

It’s a conversation they’ve had a thousand times; an argument they always end up agreeing to disagree. But now it seems they’re on the same page. There’s a mutual understanding as Louis stays quiet, forming a reply in his head.

Louis’ fingers dig into the soft skin at Harry’s hips and he breathes out, “I don’t ever want to lose you either.”

Harry moves a hand so that it’s cupping Louis’ cheek, thumb brushing at his cheek so very gently, before he leans down slightly and presses a soft kiss to the right side of his forehead. “Pinky promise?” He mutters, lips still on Louis’ skin.

“Pinky promise,” Louis says, taking one hand away from Harry’s hip and pressing it to the one on his face and links their pinkies together.

He feels Harry smile into his skin as he takes a miniscule step closer; close enough that Louis can drop his hand and bury his face into Harry’s chest. With his hand tangled into his hair, Louis hums in content.

“I wish it was different, too,” he says and if the way Harry’s hand clenches slightly in his hair and how his heart jumps in his chest is any indication, Louis knows he heard it. “Isn’t that enough, just for now?”

With the stars now twinkling brightly above them, they breathe in sync ignoring the cold that seeping through their layers of clothing. It’s just them; together.

“I think it might be,” Harry mumbles, lips brushing Louis’ hair.

They may just be teenagers with the world at their feet but all they want is each other.

 

+

 

“Ey up, lads,” Louis shouts as he bounds into the common room, jumping over some bags before landing next to Oli.

“‘ite, Tommo?” Calvin says, “Where you been? You missed out on New Year’s Eve. Oli’s sister had the best party - the birds there were incredible.”

“Oi oi,” Louis says with a laugh as he pulls a bag of crisps from his backpack; “Finally get laid then, eh?”

That earns him a punch to the shoulder and he laughs.

“Like you can talk, mate, when did you last get laid?” Oli asks, feet up on the seat opposite.

Louis just raises his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, smiling far too sweetly, which earns him another punch.

“Was she fit?”

“Where’d you meet her?”

“A gentleman never kisses and tells,” Louis says, grabbing his bag and throwing it over his shoulder, crumpling the now empty crisp packet in his hand.

“Oi, don’t be a faggot, Louis,” Calvin shouts as Louis walks away from them, middle finger in the air - the only sign of defiance he can show without everything crumbling down around him.

He catches a green gaze as he throws his rubbish in the bin and tries to convey everything he’s feeling into one look.

 

+

 

“I wish I could bring the piano out here,” Harry mumbles into Louis’ ear as they sit on a bench at the back of Harry’s garden, the fire pit sitting in front of them. They’re cuddled together, Harry’s legs in Louis’ lap and Louis playing with the curls of Harry’s hair, twisting them between his fingers.

Harry’s grandfather’s record player sits behind them, their bodies protecting it from the heat as it plays Let It Be.

Louis laughs softly; “You’re an odd one, Styles.”

“Hey,” Harry pouts, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Leaning forward, Louis presses his lips softly to Harry’s until they’re smiling into each other’s mouths. Pulling back, he leans his forehead against Harry’s.

“I just wish I could play for you out here, you know?”

The bench underneath them isn’t as comfortable as Louis had imagined, but it’s enough.

Enough to help Louis remember how to breathe again. He’s so glad to be away from school and his supposed best friends. He’s so glad to be away from that place that makes it so hard for him to remember to breath.

It’s enough for him to be in a place where he can just be himself, unabashedly and unapologetically himself.

He sits and breathes and when Harry looks over to see him smiling, the smile shining as bright as the sun glistening in the sky, he thinks to himself that that smile is the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen.

“Playing me the piano under the stars by a fire, how romantic!” Louis pretends to swoon; “It’s like you’re trying to woo me.”

“Who says I haven’t already,” Harry says, grinning as he plays with Louis’ fingers.

“Hmm, who says,” Louis murmurs, pressing a kiss to the corner of Harry’s mouth. “One day, maybe, when we’ve got our own place, we’ll drag the piano out into the garden and you’ll play for me under the stars and we’ll drink too much red wine and we’ll sing out of tune until our neighbours are telling us to shut up…”

“One day,” Harry repeats and Louis forgets how to breath for a split second but then he turns his palm upright and tightens his fingers around Harry’s in an act of affection. It’s kind of inconvenient, the way they’re sitting, the fire almost burning their skin and their legs tangled on a far too uncomfortable bench.

But it’s worth it, it’s so worth it.

 

+

 

 

“Hey, mum,” Louis begins as he flicks the kettle on and grabs two mugs down from the cupboard.

“What do you want, darling?” Jay says, smiling over at her son from where she’s cooking dinner.

Louis shrugs; “Just - it’s, um, it’s Harry’s birthday the weekend after exams finish, yeah?”

“Mhmmmm.”

“I was - you know, wondering if I could, like, take the car for the weekend?”

“And where exactly are you planning on going?” Jay says, watching Louis as he makes their tea.

“I was thinking maybe asking Des if we can go to his bungalow for the weekend? Just us two, you know, because of, like, school.”

“Thanks, love,” Jay mumbles as she accepts the tea Louis hands her; “Well, you talk to Des and I’ll think about it.”

“Really?” Louis says, eyes wide in surprise, “You’ll let me?”

Jay laughs before setting her mug down on the counter and pulls her boy into a hug; “I think you deserve it, really.”

 

+

 

Exams are a nightmare.

Louis was pretty much ready to kill everyone in his sight and/or drink every alcoholic drink he could get his hands on when he stumbled out of his drama theory exam. And the only thing that got him through was the fact that it’s Harry’s birthday tomorrow and he has plans, so many plans.

So, here he is, Harry laughing as Louis pulls him by the hand down the stairs, “Where are you taking me?!”

“It’s a surprise, darling,” Anne says from where she’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, a smile on her own face; “I don’t think you’re supposed to know.”

Harry pouts and all Louis can do is kiss it away before he pulls Harry’s hand once again; “Thanks for everything, Anne, see you Sunday?”

“See you Sunday, loves,” she says, standing at the door as they stumble down the front porch, “Drive safe, Louis.”

“I will!”

To Harry’s raucous laughter and Louis’ foot on the pedal, he drives.

 

+

 

“I told you,” Louis says, as he pulls a wide-eyed Harry up the driveway and towards the front door; “It’ll be just us.”

Harry shakes his head, a smile forming at the corners of his mouth, pressing a dimple into his left cheek. “Just us - I really, really like the sound of that.”

“Yeah?” Louis whispers as he lets the two of them inside. It’s dark, almost midnight because of their (not so) short stop off at the services to grab McDonalds.

“Yeah,” Harry whispers back.

+

 

They make love on Harry’s bed in the room at the back of the bungalow. The only sounds to be heard are the noises they’re making. Louis’ sweet little gasps and moans and Harry’s low groans; they move together gently.

It’s tantalisingly slow, building up and up and up until they reach the climax. Until they hit the edge and fall together.

 

+

 

They both wake in the early hours of the morning with the sun having not risen yet, slick with sweat and the remnants of the previous night all over their skin. It’s bleary eyes and sleep-ruffled hair as they yawn as stretch before making their way out of bed. Louis trips as he catches the edge of his foot on the doorway and Harry automatically holds out an arm for Louis to hold onto.

They laugh as Louis blames it on the early morning and that he hasn’t woken up properly yet. It’s Louis coaxing Harry with kisses and the warmth of his hoodie to stumble into the garden and sit on the fence at the back of the garden.

Their hands brush against one another from where they’re sitting next to each other; their skin prickling as they do. They both ignore it and sleepily watch ahead of them; watch the field as the sun begins to rise in the distance.

“Happy birthday, Harry,” Louis whispers into the brightening sky.

And if the only response he gets is Harry slumping into Louis’ side and squeezing his hand, then that’s enough.

 

+

 

Harry stands by the rippling water of the pool with a book in hand and the sun high in the sky, beaming across the bright blue water. It’s unusually warm for a February morning.

He reads aloud, above the crashing of the waves around his feet;

“ _here is the deepest secret nobody knows_

_(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud_

_and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows_

_higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)_

_and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart_

 

 _i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)_ ”

Harry doesn’t look up until he’s finished reading (even though he’s read it a hundred times before) because he loves the way it looks and the way it’s printed. And now, standing here, the words mean to much more.

When he looks up, it’s to see Louis’ finished making their lunch and is setting their plates on the table on the decking. His sleeves are rolled above his elbows as he jumps down from the platform, walking towards Harry.

“That sounded beautiful,” Louis says, a blush covering his cheeks and Harry knows that he knows that Harry was reading it both to him and about him.

So Harry just shrugs, looking over at Louis with the hint of a smile on his face causing Louis to grin a contagious smile.

A mischievous glint sparkles in Louis’s eyes and Harry takes a step backwards, almost tripping backwards into the water. “Woah,” Louis says, grabbing Harry’s waist, and pulling him closer, “Wouldn’t want you getting wet, would we?”

Harry squeals as he realises what Louis’s about to do; “No! Lou, please,” he laughs as Louis lifts him into a fireman's carry.

“Wait!” He shouts, eyes closed tight; “Let me put my book down!”

Louis pauses for a split second and lowers Harry down onto the slippery tiles.

“Wha-” he begins, watching as Harry begins to untuck his shirt from his shorts, popping the buttons as he lets his jeans fall to the floor in a heap. He ducks his head, not looking at Louis as he bends down to grab the jeans and put them on the pool bed along with his book.

His t-shirt covers his boxers, Louis only able to see glimpses of black fabric underneath. With his back turned to Louis, Harry pulls the shirt over his head, leaving him in only his boxer-briefs, the black material clinging to his body and Louis can’t help but stare.

“Ready,” Harry says, shrugging, a blush covering his cheeks as Louis stares.

Louis surges forward, touching Harry’s face gently, tracing his cheekbones, looking into the depth of his crystal blue eyes; “You’re beautiful.”

He takes a small step backwards, grabbing his t-shirt from the back of the neck and pulls it over his head. Harry takes a deep breath and watches as Louis throws the shirt with Harry’s and his jeans join them soon after.

It’s then that Louis picks Harry up but in a bridal carry this time and he catapults the both of them towards the water. Harry shouting and laughing as they go until they fall under the water in a tangle of limbs.

As they both come up for air, gasping for breath and shivering slightly at the cold, they both have matching wide smiles plastered across their faces as they splash around in the water, laughing.

And Louis knows for sure as the sun beams brightly on the back of his neck, that this is what love is.

 

+

 

When Harry wakes it’s to the feeling of being all coiled up tight, right on the edge and Louis hidden under the covers. Harry moans, his voice deep and still thick with sleep as Louis tilts his head further, taking him deeper. All he can do is throw his head back and squeeze his eyes shut, trying not to buck his hips forward.

He reaches underneath the duvet, finding Louis’ head and tangling his fingers in his hair; “Lou,” he says, stretching the vowels in a long groan.

Louis just hums in response and it sends a jolt of pleasure through his body and Harry just knows that Louis’ wearing a smirk on his face.

So he just grasps tighter at the hair in his finger, tugging slightly before letting out a low moan as Louis pulls his head back slowly with his tongue tracing the veins.

“You’re so hot,” Louis breathes out in a whisper, before he’s going down again - this time faster and harder and Harry’s breathing becomes even more laboured.

“Fuck,” Harry moans, thrusting forward as Louis lets his draw drop open slightly.

It’s all tongue, bright red lips and Louis’ unrelenting pace as he bobs his head up and down. Harry feels himself getting closer and closer - his stomach is twisting and turning and his grip on Louis’ hair grows tighter with every passing second.

It’s as Louis does _that thing_ with his tongue - twisting it - that Harry tenses, his body freezing slightly before tipping over that edge. He shouts out Louis’ name in ecstasy, writhing on the bed despite the way Louis’ pinning his hips down on the bed.

“Best birthday ever,” Harry murmurs, eyes closed and arm thrown over his head.

“I’m glad,” Louis mutters back as he crawls up the covers and cuddles into Harry’s chest, pressing a kiss to the left side of his ribcage, just above his heart. “I’m so glad.”

When they eventually manage to crawl out of bed after their mid-afternoon nap, it’s almost five in the evening and they decide to cook dinner together and break out the wine.

 

+

 

Drunk on red wine in the darkness of the night sky and only the light from the fire pit illuminating anything as they try to avoid the stones and rocks buried underneath the grass, they stand in front of the decking as the music from the record player plays loudly in the silence of the night.

Their hands are clasped as they dance together to an upbeat song, laughing as they drag each other round in circles - gasping for breath. Louis spins Harry under his arm before Harry dips Louis and they almost fall over together.

Their giggling and laughter is louder than the music so they dance out of time, prancing and leaping, dirt flicking up from their feet as they move.

The song transitions into another, and they slow down. Louis’s arms grasped tight on Harry’s waist with Harry’s draped over Louis’ shoulders as they sway to the music.

They’re standing close as the music plays in the background, skin on skin as they dance on the spot. Their gaze meets and they both lose their footing for a moment, standing still as Harry’s eyes twinkle in the night as they slowly inch forward.

There’s an electricity buzzing around them, sizzling as if a single spark could set it all of.

(It does.)

Louis pulls Harry closer by the waist, and Harry tilts his head so that their lips can meet. The soft press of lips on lips is all it takes for the sparks to fly as they dance together.

And for once in his life, Harry doesn’t think - he just acts. Opening his mouth slightly, letting Louis press his tongue forwards. They tilt their heads, pressing deeper and deeper, and closer and closer.

All Harry wants is Louis. Everywhere.

And he is - covering all of his senses; on his touch as Louis tangles his fingertips into the curls on the nape of Harry’s neck, pulling his face closer even still - feeling the touch of his eyelashes against his cheek and wonders if Louis can feel the same. (He can.)

Louis’ all he can smell, that sweet scent of earth and flowers and the hint of the red wine. He can taste the chocolate from the cake Louis had bought him on his tongue as they tangle and wind together in a delicate dance.

The music has finished but they keep on kissing and kissing, neither wanting to stop; wanting to soak in this moment. Wishing it could last forever as their lips press closer, Harry’s hands now framing Louis’ face, his touch precious and soft, but firm as he pull him in.

Under the shining, bright stars in the night sky there are two boys. Their lips dance as they fall deeper and deeper, trying their best to live in this moment forever despite knowing that it won’t. But they don’t worry and focus on the present - on what’s happening now and just live in their own magical world for the time being.

 

+

 

"The wonder that's keeping the stars apart is that I carry your heart - I carry it in my heart," Louis whispers into the bare skin on Harry's shoulder that night. The stars are twinkling above them somewhere, the reflecting light of the moon shining through the gap in the curtains and it feels like he could just reach up and touch; like he could grasp those stars and pull them together. Like he could scatter them in his own constellation right there in front of them to show Harry just how he sees him.

Show him how he sees him as the shining star he is.

"You got it wrong," Harry mutters into the cool air, turning his head so that his nose bumps against Louis' and his breath hits his cheek; "You got the poem wrong."

"I know," Louis says, eyes sparkling and shining. "I know."

 

+

 

Harry doesn’t sleep.

He sits awake all night, tossing and turning, unable to get into that mindset to let himself drift off. It’s futile, is what it is. Trying to sleep when his mind is twisting and turning, not slowing down for even a second.

He sits up and pushes himself from Louis’ embrace and stumbles from the room and into the lounge. Opening the patio doors, he sits on the edge of the doorframe, feet sitting on the cool stone flooring outside.

He sighs as tears drip from his chin and stares out into the darkness; his chest aching and his head spinning with fear.

For a fleeting moment he wonders if it was worth it.

But then the moment is gone and he doesn’t even think before he answers himself because, yes, of course it was.

The bedroom light flickers on and he hears a soft thud.

“H?” Louis mutters from the doorway, “You okay?”

Harry breathes in, his breath thick and harsh, before nodding. Then pausing. Then shrugging.

“What’s wrong?”

“I - it’s nothing, it’s stupid.”

Louis slumps down next to him and Harry leans into his body and his warmth. “It’s not silly if it’s bothering you, love.”

“I just - I really don’t want to go back to school.”

Louis sighs and pulls Harry closer, “I’m sorry it can’t be different. I just - I can’t come out, Haz. I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“I know,” Harry says, grasping Louis’ hand, “I’m not - that’s not your fault. I don’t blame you, you know that, right? I could never blame for you that.”

“I know,” Louis says and the lilt in his voice say different but - that’s an argument for another day.

“And I know it’s impossible, but I just wish it was different. I wish we could be openly together and you could be my boyfriend in public and I know why we can’t - your dad, your friends - we can’t. But, this weekend. Lou, this weekend has been everything, it’s been everything I’ve wanted. I - I love you so much.”

“I love you so, so much, Hazza,” Louis replies, eyes wet with tears as he tucks his face into Harry’s shoulder.

“This can be enough,” Harry says, “Five months, right?”

“Five months.”

Despite their departure looming as the sky begins to lighten and the fact that they have to go back to hiding who they are and who they want to be, it’s enough for now. It’s enough that they’ve had room to breathe and they’ve had time to recoup and time to be themselves.

Because in the near-distant future, things will get increasingly better and they’ll move to the city and make new friends. They’ll be able to be who they want to be and they’ll do it the way they want to with no restrictions.

It’ll be more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> the poem is e.e cummings - i carry your heart with me (i carry it in , and the title is also from it too!! 
> 
> tumblr post is http://amemorymaze.tumblr.com/post/137174604668/the-wonder-that-keeps-the-stars-apart-by[here](url) reblog if u like it, comments/kudos are everything!!


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